Myth 1

“I have a friend/mother who dated a loser/unbeliever and now they are a winner/believer therefore it is okay for me to also date a loser/unbeliever”. False – God’s ability to work in spite of your friend’s unwise and probably sinful behavior (“do not be unequally yolked with unbelievers” – 2 Corinthians 6:14) is a testimony to His graciousness and sovereignty not to his blessing or being honored by them dating a non-Christian. While you will not thwart God’s plans, you will dishonor him and waste your time.

Myth 2

“I can change him!” This is just good old fashioned pride. You are not his savior or his messiah nor will you ever be! Only God can change people by His Holy Spirit and be assured that if he will not change his ways for God Most High he will not change for you. You can lead someone who is willing to change, but only the Holy Spirit can create in someone the desire to be changed by God. Lasting motivation  to follow Jesus comes from who Jesus is, not from wanting to make their girlfriend happy.

1. Don't Date Gaston

A Gaston loves himself and he flirts with everyone. Gaston is the guy who takes shirtless pictures of himself and then posts them to Facebook/Instagram. Gaston retweets every compliment he gets on Twitter. Gaston is the guy who feels like he deserves you because of how great he is. Gaston is the guy who wants to date you for what you can offer to him. Gaston is the guy who will objectify you in that you will help him accomplish his goal of having a great reputation and image. Gaston is the guy who is pretty on the outside and can be stereotypically charming and romantic just so that he can get what he wants from you. God opposes the proud (James 4:6) and you don’t want to date someone with whom God is against. You will either be crushed by him or become like him. Both are not worth it.

2. Don't Date Pinocchio

A Pinocchio is liar. When Pinocchio is caught in his lies, he makes excuses and does not take responsibility for his lies. He calls his lies “mistakes” and does not take responsibility for them as being sin that God hates. God is not like man that the should lie (Numbers 23:19) and Jesus himself is full of truth (John 1:14), thus a boy who frequently lies does not want to live in line with God’s way. Also, liars are manipulators. When a boy lies to you, he is trying to get you to live in a false worth – he wants you to be out of touch with reality, thus he is literally creating insanity in you, all for the sake of his own self-preservation. Do not be manipulated – get away from the liar.

3. Don't Date Peter Pan

Peter Pan refuses to grow up. Peter Pan won’t get a job. Peter Pan won’t work a job he doesn’t like. Peter Pan wants a second mom, not a girlfriend or a wife. Peter Pan ages, but he doesn’t mature. Peter Pan doesn’t endure through difficulty. Peter Pan won’t wear real shoes. Peter Pan “takes a year off”. Peter Pan is always surrounded by his useless friends called the “Lost Boys” who enable him in his lack of work ethic. Peter Pan probably plays a lot of video games and gets bored often. Peter Pan won’t work hard for the sake of his wife or his future wife, but instead coasts along and is chillin’. Man was created for work and service (Genesis 2:15), but Peter Pan doesn’t work hard and only serves the god of comfort. Do not be his mother. If he will not be a man for God he will surely not be a man for you. You should pursue being a wife before you pursue being a mother and you should not have to mother your future husband.

4. Don't Date Eeyore

Eeyore is constantly whining and bringing attention to his problems. Eeyore lives in the same world as everyone else and suffers in similar ways to everyone else, yet he still thinks his life is harder than everyone else’s. Eeyore, though often mistaken for being humble, is actually profoundly egocentric and is constantly preoccupied with his own problems. He is trapped inside his own crises and has to let everyone know, vaguely, on social media. Jesus suffered more than anyone ever did physically and relationally, yet he still managed to be a servant to others though he was “despised and rejected…but he opened not his mouth” (Isaiah 53:4).

5. Don't Date The Beast

The Beast is a jerk on the outside but women are somehow deceived into thinking he is a “nice guy” on the inside. Girls tend to be attracted to the Beast because he is “mysterious and misunderstood and had a hard life”. The Beast is mean to most people in his life and, in general, is not concerned with how other people feel. Also, the beast is certainly not following Jesus even though “he might believe in a god”. Not impressed. Demons believe in God (James 2:19), but you don’t use that as an excuse to spend time with demons. Many women now  feel trapped in abusive marriages because they fell for this guys “I’m a good guy deep down” load of garbage. Will the Beast later turn into Prince Charming? Maybe, but, historically, probably not, and until then be sure to stay far away from him.

Conclusion - What To Do Instead

The Gospel has the power to change any boy into a man. Christians are all in progress and no man is perfect. Ladies – date boys who are taking ownership of their boyhood and are taking an active role in become more like “The Man” Jesus Christ from Nazareth. Since the beginning, men were called to “work and protect” (Genesis 2:15) and you shouldn’t waste your time dating boys who aren’t concerned with living into their created purpose. What should you do if you are stuck dating a boy? Sometimes the most helpful thing that a girl and can do for a guy is break up with him because he is stuck in his boy-ness.  Until he is willing to follow hard after Jesus in faith and repentance, he won’t be able to pursue you in a truly honoring and pure way. Here are three things you should do instead of dating these boys:

1. Pray for Them

Praying for them will both help you align your heart with God’s heart and ask God to make his Kingdom come in the life of the person in question.

2. Be Clear About Why You Won’t Date Them

Many guys I know have been told “no” by faithful Christian women who were clear with them as to why the “no” was a “no”. This helps the guys so much! Saying, “you don’t want a boyfriend right now” or “I am just too busy” does not help them. Saying, “you show no evidence of someone who has Jesus as their Lord and I will only date a guy who authentically loves Jesus”, though it might sting at first, will ultimately help them see the truth. Be clear about your conditions of dating. Are you willing to be bold enough to help them?

3. Introduce Them To Faithful Christian Men

Sometimes guys want to follow Jesus, but still really suck at it because they haven’t had any good examples of what a faithful man of God looks like. Give them examples by introducing them into authentic Christian community.

Remember: He needs to mature and you dating him while he refuses to do so is enablement. You deserve and need a man who loves Jesus more than he loves you.