I have been a youth pastor for a handful of years. One of the problems that I regularly see is that parent’s simply don’t know how to speak with their students in a meaningful and caring way and thus cause their middle schooler or high schooler to feel misunderstood and minimized. Hopefully these three tips will help you love and lead your students.

1. Be in the flow of their life.

Deuteronomy chapter 6:4-9 gives a command to parents to pass along the faith in the flow of life. “…You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise…” In the house, outside of the house, mornings and nights are all opportunities to pass along the faith to our children! Jesus models this for us in Matthew chapter 9:35-39. Here we see Jesus looking around and I can picture Him stopping in the midst of a crowd of broken, desperate people. Making sure the disciples notice what is going on, Jesus says, “…The harvest is plentiful, but the laborers are few; therefore pray earnestly to the Lord of the harvest to send out laborers into his harvest.”  The disciples were neck deep in ministering to people and watching Jesus do the miraculous. In the flow of their daily activity, our Savior looks around and says, “Guys, the work is too much, PRAY for more people to rise up and do the work of the Father.”

The power of being in the flow of life in that moment made Jesus’ word stick into the hearts and minds of the 12. We have an opportunity to do the same with our students. Life happens, things get messy, and we see the best and worst of the world every day, don’t let moments slip by without infusing a Gospel perspective into the headlines of today.

Example: Your 13 year old daughter (or son, I’m not going to judge) is reading the latest celebrity gossip magazine about which celeb is getting married or divorced. Instead of grabbing it and throwing it away, what if you took that moment as an opportunity to talk about the differences between the world’s view and Jesus’ view of marriage? Or perhaps discuss why divorce is so harmful to the family and children, ask them what qualities do they think their spouse should have, or generally have a conversation based on what they are doing, rather than just making the decision for them. (Then you can throw the gossip magazine away.)

2. Connect with Their Emotions

Middle school and high school students have some of the deepest emotions that I have ever run across, they are real and raw, erratic, but very real in what they are feeling, regardless if they can express them well or not. But avoiding a student’s emotions in regards to faith would be an oversight for someone who is looking to pass the torch of Christ to the next generation. When you read about Jesus and what he did and how he treated people, he never once ignored emotions of the people he was ministering to.

Turning again to Matthew 9 we see Jesus healing (v.1-8; 18-26) and each time we see Jesus referring to the ones he is healing as “son” and “daughter”. This is not a reference to take lightly, these healings were not just a means to glorify the father but a restoring of all of who they are.

Asking your student how they feel about faith related topics is important. Ask your student how they felt after the sermon, or ask how they should feel differently about a circumstance after being in Church that morning. But be ready to have to share your feelings first (yes, you too, dads). If their faith in Jesus is something that is just in their head, it will never feel real. And because feeling is such an important part of who our students are right now, we need to help guide them into an emotional relationship with Jesus. Be ready for their emotions and listen with empathy – don’t simply tell them how they “should” feel.

Example: Say something to the effect of “this week at work I got discouraged when my co-workers did _______, but now I feel like God is with me and I can take a different attitude with me to work on Monday.” Invite them into your emotional journey. Then you can ask, “how have you seen your emotions change from day to day or event to event?”

3. Don’t sell them short

In the Gospels, Jesus says a lot of things that are hard to take in, wrap my mind around and apply, but when I do, it is one of the greatest moments in life. One of these passages for me is John 14: 12-14 “Truly, truly, I say to you, whoever believes in me will also do the works that I do; and greater works than these will he do, because I am going to the Father. Whatever you ask in my name, this I will do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son. If you ask me anything in my name, I will do it.”

I remember being on a mission trip the first time I read this passage as a high school student and it blew my mind! The guy saying it, had raised people from the dead, healed people of diseases, walked on water. I imagined Jesus looking square in the eyes of the disciples and saying, ”You will do greater things than these.” If it’s true for them, it’s true for our students. Too many times I see people look at a young follower of Christ like they are in some farm system of a baseball team, with the attitude of “hang in there, you will make it to the big leagues one day and keep your head down on that curve ball.” But the reality is that when you start to follow Christ you are in game. The time is NOW for these students to be building God’s kingdom, to be contributing to the body of Christ and the mission of God!

In Matthew 17:24-27, Jesus tells Peter to get the temple tax miraculously out of a fish, the only problem was that it was only enough for two people, Jesus and Peter. Many believe that the other 11 disciples were young enough to get in the temple without paying the tax (I doubt that Jesus snuck them in though some side door, but maybe), meaning that most of the disciples were adolescents. Look at your teen, you are looking at a face that Jesus said was going to be the foundation of the church. Pair that with the empowering of the Holy Spirit, I don’t see how we could ever sell our students short again.

Example: Ask your student what big prayers are they praying. Or let them know that you believe in them, that God is going to do mighty things through them at their school, club or sports team. Validate and encourage the differences they are making in Then pray for it to happen! 

** About the Author: Will Savoy is the Pastor of Student Ministries at Grace. Will’s journey with Christ started at Grace in the 7^th grade. He and his wife Karly were married in January of 2008, and moved back home to AZ. Later that year he joined the Grace family as a staff member in the student ministries department. In December 2011 Karly and Will brought two amazing girls home from Uganda, Africa. He enjoys spending time with his 4 ladies (including their English Bulldog, Phoebe), playing sports, reading, running, and being involved in the lives of amazing students that God has blessed Grace with.**